Control freak

While I've known this for a while, probably years, my current situation is highlighting just how much I enjoy trying to control my life. I'm well aware that there is so much in life you can't control, and while I can accept that, it doesn't mean I enjoy it. Having a baby is certainly one of those things you can't control (to a great extent), but I've come to the realization that I compensate for that by trying to control other things in life. 

When you're trying to get pregnant, there's a lot of mandatory patience and waiting. There are only two or three days when your body will get pregnant, so in a 28 day cycle, that means there are 25-26 days of waiting. It's during these waiting periods that I try to control everything else. Over the past 24 hours, I have become reobsessed with finishing our house and getting it just right. There's a room on the first floor that needs to be painted, our bedroom needs to be painted, man-land (the basement) needs to be worked on ... and I enjoy diving into all of these projects because I feel happy when I get to control the progress that is involved with completing them. Plus they serve as a much welcome distraction, and I get to feel productive, which I love. 

I have wished on numerous occasions that I could feel as happy and content when I'm relaxing as when I'm productive, but honestly that is just not the case. Well that's not exactly true. When we're on vacation, I let myself completely relax and unwind. I LOVE doing nothing on vacation. But typically we're not on vacation so I knit during football games and putter around the house all weekend if we don't have plans. I love the satisfaction of completing a project - and that's why I'm going to take a long lunch break today, head to ACE and get paint chips.